Not too long ago I received an email from a listener wondering how I changed my life around. How did I make the change? What did I do in life to make things better? I decided to share with you what I shared with her…
I don’t even know where to begin with my story. Let’s just say that I was in a really bad place mentally for a long time…even if I seemed somewhat happy on the outside… the inside was eating me alive. I grew up always being a thinker and always thinking the worst possible ending for every situation. I have seen my parents go from having everything in the world to having absolutely nothing. I saw them argue over bills day after day. I saw my parents lose jobs and pick up ones that I knew they were unhappy at… BUT they did it to provide for my sister and I. I was really wise for a young girl. I knew WAYYYYY too much at a young age. Things from bills to addiction…Things that a young girl shouldn’t know about just yet. I started everything at a young age. I felt like I had to grow up fast because of my surroundings. I think being surrounded by all of the negative stuff when I was younger is the main reason why I was a thinker… and still am. I was always worried about money and my parent’s health and their relationship. My family is so close and we love each other so much but living one struggle after another takes a toll on your family. Somehow we stuck together. We lived in a one bedroom hotel numerous times… the 4 of us and two dogs. We would get back on our feet and fall right back down. Why did we keep losing it all?? To this day I am kind of scared to ask. I just kept telling my parents that it will be okay… Even though I had NO idea if it was going to be okay or not. As I grew older I started hanging out with the “cool kids”… smoking cigs. Smoking pot. Doing other drugs…. I had some of the best times with these people…BUT being a thinker…I knew that it was all wrong. Everything we were doing was not good! For some reason I thought it was a great way to escape. As soon as that high wore off though… I would be right back to stressing over everything. This is just a gist of my younger years.
I ended up getting suspended from school. I quit playing softball. I lost who I was deep down inside because I was living this life that I thought was fun but it was just a distraction from the real world. Again I LOVED those days… but at night I would have anxiety attacks because I knew I was headed down the wrong path. Deep down inside I just knew that I was making bad decisions. I ended up losing a friend to alcohol poisoning… my whole world just stopped and it was an eye opener. I was with her the night before she passed away and for a long long time I blamed myself. I have since realized that I can’t do that to myself anymore. People make their own choices and it sucks! It sucks badly. My sister was super close to our friend who passed away too and my sis totally turned her life around after that. Quit everything cold turkey. Sober to this day. Doesn’t even drink. Even at my wedding she didn’t have a glass of champagne. My sister and I are best friends and she inspired me to make the right decisions (THANK GOD). I quit hanging out with some people and started focusing on getting a career in broadcasting. A couple of years later we lost another friend who was struggling with addiction too. So here I am… not even 21 years old and I’ve lost two friends to this crazy stuff we called “fun”… It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about how their families have lost their beautiful daughters. How that could have been my sister and I.
I honestly cannot tell you what made me change. I just think growing up and opening my eyes and realizing that I don’t want to struggle my whole life! Whether it be with drugs, money, or relationships. I didn’t want to go through what my parents did. I love my parents to death and I wish I could take away every single day that they struggled and everything they still struggle with still to this day.
As for relationships… I have been in and out of some where I thought they were the one. I would change for some of these people and I would hide who I was and I realized how can I be happy not being myself!!! BE YOU! Someone will fall in love with you and thinks the sun shines out your ass on your worst days! The day I met my fiancée changed my world. SHE accepted me for ME. I didn’t have to change to impress her and no matter what bump in the road I have/had… she ALWAYS finds a way to make me feel better and calm me down. ALSO she adores my family and doesn’t judge them for their mistakes. That’s when I knew she was the one.
Please realize that YOU — Whoever you are — you have done some AMAZING things for yourself this far. It might be hard to notice these things BUT you are alive aren’t you?! Take advantage of this life. I know it’s hard to not beat yourself up… just try your hardest because there are people that look up to you (whether you want to believe it or not)
Sometimes it takes experiences to change someone. Sometimes it takes a loss. Sometimes you have to just make small adjustments and those small adjustments could bring you SO much joy. Just don’t give up.
DON’T be afraid of your story and your background. Your story makes you unique.
My one advice to you is to be patient. Changing takes some time.
And REMEMBER sometimes the smallest changes in your life can bring you SO much happiness!
This is a picture of my sister… the person I look up to SO much and the person that I think has saved my life.